Intimate relationships can be the most rewarding and also most painful endeavors we embark on. All couples encounter serious difficulties. We will work together to deepen your connection, learn how to communicate better, improve your sex lives and quite simply, get to know your partner better. We will develop your attunement and regulation skills so that you can better manage your conflicts. This will help you to be more at ease in the difficult moments.
I am a Level 2 trained PACT couples therapist. PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy. This approach uses neurobiology, attachment theory and nervous system regulation to move toward secure functioning.
These are the “ten commandments” of secure functioning:
- Thou shalt protect the safety and security of thy relationship at all costs.
- Thou shalt base thy relationship on true mutuality, remembering that all decision and actions must be good for thee AND for thine partner.
- Thou shalt not threaten the existence of the relationship, for so doing would benefit no one.
- Thou shalt appoint thy partner as go-to-person for all matter, making certain thy partner is first to know – not second, third or fourth – in all matter of importance.
- Thou shalt provide a tether to thy partner all the days and nights of thy life, and never fail to greet thy partner with good cheer.
- Thou shalt protect thy partner in public and in private from harmful elements, including thyself.
- Thou shalt put thy partner to bed each night and awaken with thy partner each morning.
- Thou shalt correct all errors, including injustices and injuries, at once or as soon as possible, and not make dispute of who was the original perpetrator.
- Thou shalt gaze lovingly upon thy partner daily and make frequent and meaningful gestures of appreciation, admiration and gratitude.
- Thou shalt learn thy partner well and master the ways of seduction, influence and persuasion, without the use of fear or threat.
These 10 commandments are rooted in the fact that intimate relationships are a multi-person system. This means that values such as mutuality, fairness and justice must be practiced on a daily basis and be at the core of everything that you do as a couple. Stan Tatkin likes to say that you should have your partner’s owners manual; you should be an expert on your partner. PACT couples therapy will assist you in practicing these values and integrating them into your lives.
Every couple is capable of secure functioning regardless of trauma, attachment style or personality disorders. In our sessions, you will learn more about your partner, their history, upbringing, attachment style, etc. In this learning, you can fall in love with your partner all over again!
Topics often include:
- Polyamory, open relationships & swinging
- Infidelity & affairs
- Loss of connection & intimacy
- Pre-marital counseling
- Divorce prevention
- Discrepancy in sexual desire
- Avoiding conflict
- Conflicts over money, time & parenting
- Building communication skills, including nonviolent communication
- Learning more about yours and your partner’s attachment styles
- Exploring each other’s childhood traumas
- Substance abuse
Coming into couples therapy is a very meaningful way to take care of yourself and take care of your partnership. Please schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me. We can discuss why you want to come into couples therapy, what your goals are, as well as see if we would be a good therapeutic fit. I look forward to hearing from you!